Withdrawal Symptoms
by mantisbelle
Summary: Six years ago, James cut their relationship off without any real explanation and without a mention of what was wrong, just the declaration that their relationship wasn't working out. Frustrated by the fact that they're in contact again and nothing is changing, Qrow invites James for coffee so that they can figure things out again.


"Why did you call me here?"

Qrow cursed mentally over the lack of greeting. He figured that he probably should have expected to get that sort of reaction out of James, especially when the two of them had gone out of contact for so long. Being invited to coffee in the teacher's lounge at Beacon when James probably had better things to do probably just served as an additional frustration. But this was his first chance to get James alone in nearly six years.

There was a reason for that, Qrow reminded himself.

A good reason for that, at that.

After all, he and James Ironwood were apparently too different to work as a real relationship. They had too much that kept them from working, and all of it was heavily rehearsed _bullshit_.

He and James had fed each other a lot of excuses towards the end of their relationship, though one of them used more excuses than the other.

At the end, it had been James doing all of the steering.

"I uh…" Qrow hesitated, watching as James took a seat across from him in the faculty lounge at Beacon Academy. Normally James wouldn't hang around there, it wasn't his _place_. He had his fancy airship waiting just at the docks, where he no doubt had the fanciest private quarters imaginable. Qrow didn't doubt for a second that James had people ready to bend over backwards and fetch him coffee on the assumption that they might get some favors out of James later on.

But this wasn't _about_ what James did or didn't have on his ship, Qrow reminded himself. He swallowed hard and then finally spoke up again. "I just wanted to talk."

"I told you that I didn't want any of this anymore." James muttered, glaring at him darkly. "We weren't good for each other, and I _thought_ that we both understood that fact."

Qrow hesitated. He'd expected this sort of thing.

The truth was, it had been close to six years since he and James had decided to cut off their relationship. There had been a lot of problems back then, from James taking on his new position at Atlas Academy and a higher rank in the military as part of it, and then there was the fact that Qrow's job had kept him on Patch. The distance had been a major factor he supposed, and it was the main reason that James had cited aside from 'not needing distractions right now' when he'd broken it off, but those reasons never felt quite right. It felt like something had been missing for a while.

After all, they'd been able to make things work despite the distance before, so that changing all of a sudden was a surprise.

But Qrow didn't work at Signal anymore.

And James was in Vale for the time being.

There was one other thing that James had never really addressed when he'd broken things off- and Qrow knew exactly what it was. He didn't have to say it, but they both knew that Qrow's drinking was a big part of it.

In fact, Qrow was willing to wager that it was all of it and James didn't want to say it outright.

"Yeah," Qrow leaned back into his seat, snapping himself back to the conversation at hand. "We did." He shrugged. "But you and I are older now. We actually know what we're doing these days."

"That doesn't change anything." James replied, his eyes narrowed. "If you don't mind, I have more important things-"

"Have coffee with me." Qrow interrupted before James could get up so that he could leave. "Please, Jim."

James sighed heavily and rested his hands down on the table in front of him. There was absolute insecurity running through James' entire body. One that Qrow had seen a thousand times before. Somehow, despite the fact that they'd known each other for a long time, that insecurity had never been able to drop, regardless of the situation.

But James sighed heavily and crossed his arms over his chest as he tried to think of something to say to him. "One mug of coffee." James replied, his voice entirely too stern, almost like he was passing down a command to a subordinate. Qrow frowned.

This didn't mean anything good for him.

"Alright." He managed, his voice mostly hushed as he stood up to get them both some coffee. When he looked back over his shoulder at James, he saw that the other man was checking his phone almost obsessively.

He couldn't help but roll his eyes. That had always been a pet peeve of his before. Even when he _wasn't_ leading a military or working at one of the academies, James had always been like this. Like there was something that he could never quite pull his mind away from, and if he wasn't distracted, he was trying to avoid something.

Qrow had to fight everything back so that he didn't snap at James about his scroll use. He had chosen to call a meeting with James for a _reason_. If they were going to get through this, then they were both going to need to be willing to try to connect.

"So, uh…" Qrow decided to do his best to start a conversation as he poured the first mug of coffee. He knew that once he gave it to James, that it was likely to get a dose of high-end Atlesian whiskey that probably cost two or three hundred Lien a bottle. He would have to try not to be jealous of James for being able to do that without risking the shaking that would happen later on. Without being left craving another shot, left craving that next buzz that would make life feel like it was worth _living,_ even if it was only for a little bit. "You still like your coffee black, right?"

"That's correct." James answered him, setting his scroll down on the table after the quiet sound that told Qrow that James had locked it had filled the air between them. "You still haven't told me why you wanted me here when I have other things to do."

"I told you, Jim." Qrow answered as he set two mugs of coffee down on the table that they had taken. "I wanted to have some coffee." He took his seat. "And to talk and just catch up for the first time without…" A heavy sigh escaped him. "Well, thinking about work."

James nodded silently, pulling one of the Beacon-branded mugs towards him. "Is there something specific you wanted to talk about?"

Qrow sipped his own coffee, and watched as James began to reach for that pocket that Qrow _knew_ was just inside of his coat, right on James' left breast. Nobody would know unless they saw him remove that canteen that James carried on him. It had been their dirty little secret back in the day- James tended to spike his coffee when he was stressed.

Based on the way that James stopped himself, it still was a problem.

"Yeah." Qrow finally said, watching James make his slightest attempt to relax. "How's work?" He paused. "Atlas still shitty?"

"There's nothing wrong with Atlas." James responded, all too coolly. "But if you mean how work is, it's…" James stopped himself and shook his head before he could give any response. "I'd rather not."

"That bad?"

"It's just stressful." James responded, quietly. "Doesn't get much better, doesn't get much worse."

That was yet another thing that Qrow knew he should have expected. "Jim," he paused. Thought every word that he wanted to say over very carefully before he went ahead and said something. The small talk wasn't going to get them anywhere. "I've been missing you."

There it was, out in the open for them. Now they could actually talk.

"It's been six years, Qrow." James deadpanned. "Why are you doing this now?"

"You're in town." Qrow answered with the loosest shrug he could manage. He knew that it wasn't the best answer that he could give, but he wasn't going to let that just stop him. "I'm here." Another shrug. "Rare occasions, you know?"

James was silent.

"What happened to us, James?"

If looks could kill, Qrow knew for a fact that he would have probably dropped dead right then. It was one of those questions that he knew he shouldn't have tried to ask. But it needed to be on the table.

"I…" James started to speak, only to stop himself. "I didn't like how I felt with you." He finally said quietly. "I didn't like going out drinking every time that we were together."

It was a lie. A blatant lie at that, one that Qrow could see through without a second's thought. One that Qrow wasn't going to be able to ignore, either. James was making up an excuse because he didn't want to actually say something. The canteen inside his coat betrayed his lie on its own.

"You didn't seem to mind then."

"Qrow, I-" James swallowed, stopping himself again before he could say a little bit too much. "You don't… realize what it was doing to me being with you like that." He shrugged, but it was a tired, evasive thing as he tried to keep himself from getting too close to the situation mentally.

Qrow wished he wasn't so used to seeing this from James. "What does that mean?" He drank his coffee. "You didn't seem to mind then."

"That's the thing though." James replied. "I did mind." He stopped himself, and Qrow watched the way that James finally reached into his pocket "You don't realize how slippery of a slope it is once you start."

"You-" Qrow swallowed, suddenly realizing what James meant. There were a lot of questions dancing in his mind. "What are you saying?"

James seemed to stare past his shoulder instead of trying to make eye contact and making even the slightest attempt for the two of them to be able to connect. There was a certain sadness in James' eyes that Qrow really didn't want to talk about or think about.

This wasn't how things were supposed to be.

"What I'm saying is that we didn't work." James mumbled, his voice entirely too hard. "I don't see what's so hard to understand about that."

Qrow wanted to reach out and touch James- if he could just make the other man just feel like they were both actually there, then it could maybe change everything. "Well," Qrow finally managed as he gripped his mug of coffee a little too hard. "Whatever I've done, I'm sorry about it."

James shook his head and pursed his lips together as he tried to find his way around what was happening. Qrow knew that this was him doing his best to find a way to run away from all of this. He'd seen this a thousand times, the way that James so willingly pushed all of the emotion out of him in hopes of turning as robotic as the soldiers under his control.

Classic Atlesian behavior, really. Almost stereotypical, even.

Almost. Qrow knew James had his reasons for being the way he has. That didn't make things any easier.

But James didn't say anything. He just took a too-deep breath and finally looked up at Qrow. "This is hard, Qrow." He mumbled. "And if what you want is to be friends, then that's fine, but…" He shook his head. "If what you're trying to do is-"

"I miss you, James." Qrow cut him off. "And not just in the whole 'you live halfway across the world way." A shrug. "I miss us."

There was that hesitation, running through James' entire body. Once again, he said absolutely nothing. The other man just drank from his coffee and watched something that probably didn't exist out the window. Somehow, that made Qrow feel like he was impossibly small, and even unwanted as he sat there.

It was time to take the plunge. Qrow reached out with an open hand and gently touched James' left hand. He watched James' blue eyes flicker down to their hands, and Qrow couldn't have been more surprised when he watched the way that James didn't even move. He didn't try to slide away from him.

Qrow didn't want to do anything that would make this worse in the long run either. He couldn't bring himself to do that to James, especially now when he was feeling the way that he was. He had been the one to ask for a meeting away from Ozpin's office, and for the two of them to be able to talk and spend time together.

"James?"

There was a long silence that followed, and he watched James swallowed nervously before he spoke up. "I miss us too, Qrow." His voice was barely above a whisper, and Qrow couldn't help but wonder what was going on in his friend's head at the moment. "But I don't think that it will work out."

"We can at least try." Qrow mumbled quietly. "One date, okay?"

Silence.

"It'll be my treat."

"This is a bad idea-"

" _Everything's_ a bad idea with you." Qrow responded. "Just… live a little." He shrugged. "We don't even have to go to the bar or something like we used to."

James gently squeezed Qrow's hand, and Qrow couldn't help the way that his eyes went a little bit wide over that. It was one of those things that he had been sure he was never going to be able to get out of James, but it was something real and it was _tangible._ In that moment, that slight touch might have been the only thing that mattered.

"Alright." James said finally, though he kept his expression schooled into something that was mostly unreadable. Qrow desperately wished to be able to get into James' head and see what he was thinking, see if there was anything that he could do to help James at least figure out what was going on.

"One date?"

"One date." With those words, James finally pulled his hand away from Qrow's. "But I'm choosing the place."

"Fine." Qrow answered smiling as he drained the rest of his coffee. "Friday sound good?"

James stood up and finished off his own mug of coffee before setting it down by the sink where it was going to be out of the way. "I'll clear my schedule."

"Right." Qrow smiled back at him. "I'll… see you then."

James nodded and stopped, just outside of the threshold of the door before peering back at Qrow over his shoulder.

"Don't go thinking that this means anything, Qrow."

"I'm not, Jim." Qrow paused and all he could manage was a soft smile. "I'll see you Friday."

With that, James was gone, and Qrow was left to his own devices, even if it was for only a little while.

"Real swanky place you picked out." Qrow said as he took a seat at the table that James had chosen for the two of them, just across from his date. The two of them stared at each other, and Qrow couldn't help but feel awkward about everything.

This wasn't normally his sort of scene, but he'd been the one to agree to James' terms, which meant that he was stuck here in this place that he wasn't so sure that he was going to be able to afford. Hell, just _being_ there left Qrow feeling a little too poor. Maybe rising up to have two seats on the Atlesian Council had changed James' tastes, Qrow thought to himself.

"It's decent." James answered calmly, leaning back in his seat.

"I'm uh…" Qrow paused, picking up the menu and looking it over, even flipping it over in his hands as he looked for anything that seemed like it was going to be worth eating- or that he could at least afford. "I'm glad that you agreed to do this."

"Right." James mumbled, keeping his voice just as quiet. "I'm sure that Ozpin wouldn't be pleased to know about this, though."

"Oz's fine." Qrow answered with a shrug. "Why wouldn't-"

"Distractions don't do with…" James paused and looked off into space for just a second before continuing. "Well, with what we're doing these days."

Qrow paused, thinking over that question to try and make sense of it. The fact of the matter was that because this was James, it was entirely too likely that he was using world-saving work as an excuse not to get involved, the same way that James had once used his career in Atlas as an excuse to break things off, when it was now clear to Qrow that there was something much darker lying beneath the surface.

"I don't think Oz would mind so much." Qrow relaxed into his seat and rested a free hand on the table in front of him. "Might look at it as boosting cooperation or something." He shrugged, though the motion was slight. "You know Oz."

James nodded slowly and relaxed, only slightly. "Yeah," He mumbled. "I suppose so."

Qrow blinked and just watched James' expressions, searching for something there that would let him get into the other man's head, like there would be some sort of clue there as to what he could do or say to make things better. Nothing came up, and so Qrow had to work to suppress a frown before speaking up. "So," He asked began, "Are we just here to talk about Ozpin?"

"What?" James seemed to be slightly taken aback over that question. "No, of course not." He didn't look at Qrow, not directly. Somehow that was enough to leave Qrow wondering about what was going through James' head. "I just don't really know what you want to talk about while we're here."

"Well," Qrow shifted slightly in his seat, mostly because he was feeling a bit too awkward there. He and James still had a lot of problems between the two of them. He wanted to be able to start patching those things up that night, but Qrow was also a little too sure that it wasn't going to happen. Whatever had driven James away was something that was probably never going to be able to be fixed. "I was hoping that it could be a date."

"And it is." James deadpanned. "I gave you what you wanted."

"I want it to _feel_ like a date, Jimmy."

"Well," James responded, leaning in slightly. "I don't know what you want from me on that front." The man's blue eyes narrowed dangerously. "And _don't_ call me Jimmy."

He should have expected that. Qrow _knew_ that he should have expected that, and yet he'd made the jab anyways. He'd probably done it because it meant that he was going to actually know what James' reaction was.

"Hey," Qrow smiled at James, a little too softly for the situation, especially considering that there was the very strong possibility that James was currently thinking over the number of ways that he could kill Qrow then and there in the restaurant, always the strategist. "I know, you don't like the nickname."

"And yet you continue to use it constantly." James answered, closing his menu to signal that he'd decided on something he wanted to get. All at once, Qrow realized that he hadn't made a decision on food for himself, and so he quickly flipped through the menu before finding something and closing his own menu. "Why do you do that?"

Qrow drummed on the table for just a second before speaking up. "It riles you up, and I always know what to expect."

"And?"

"Jim," Qrow paused, the old nickname that he'd used for James feeling almost foreign on his tongue. "I like it because…" Qrow had to pause, just so that he could find the most delicate way to address this without things coming off as too awkward or too odd. "Well, it's a constant reaction from you." A pause. "I always know you're in there when you get frustrated over it."

A silence settled over the two of them that was almost heavy enough that it could have been called suffocating. A waiter came to take orders and went, and so the two of them were left alone to their own devices for a little while.

But this time, Qrow didn't want to be the one initiating the conversations. He wanted for James to actually make some sort of effort in this whole thing if it was supposed to be going anywhere. This couldn't be one-sided, and Qrow absolutely refused for it to go that way.

The only problem was that James didn't seem to be that willing to work towards things in that way. Things were too awkward. Qrow knew fully well that James probably didn't want to be there, especially on a date, but there wasn't much he could do about it.

But James was quiet, and when he did finally speak up again it was with some reservation. He leaned back in his seat and let out a quiet sigh. "So," James began, his volume kept low on purpose. "I suppose you've left your job up at Signal."

"World needed saving, you know how it is." Qrow responded with a slight shrug. "I miss it sometimes, but what I'm doing now is just more important. " He knew that James was going to understand that, despite everything. "I'm sure you get that."

"I do." James replied quietly. "And your family?"

Qrow blinked. Of all the things that he'd expected for James to say, that was probably at the very bottom of his list. Of course, he knew Taiyang and James got along well enough, and that James had met Ruby and Yang since coming for his stay in Vale for work. "They're uh..." Qrow paused, wondering whether he should mention his sister or not. "They're doing well. Ruby and Yang are here, you know that, and Tai's back on Patch with the dog."

"Right." James answered him. "You know, those girls have grown into fine huntresses."

"Well, they take after their uncle."

James smiled softly and shook his head, and Qrow couldn't help but watch along as James collected himself. "Well," He said quietly. "You and Taiyang should both be proud." James blinked, and Qrow couldn't help but wonder what was going through the man's mind that would have brought him to this sort of topic.

But Qrow decided to play along. "Well," He said quietly. "We're really proud of them. Scared of what can happen, but we're proud." Qrow couldn't help but shrug. "They make the days a little less lonely, you know?"

That brought another silence over the table, and it was then that Qrow realized something for the first time in a long time. Something about James that always seemed to fade into the background. Once in a blue moon, on the rare occasions where Qrow went to Atlas or had been at James' home, he'd always forgotten how devoid of life the place was.

James had to be lonely. He didn't have a family the same way that Qrow did, and he didn't have many friends outside of work to Qrow's knowledge.

It put things back into perspective in a way. "So you're just staying on your airship these days, aren't you?"

"I am." James murmured. "Ozpin offered me a rpom down at the academy, but I felt more comfortable being able to keep my own quarters well..." James looked away, avoiding something that Qrow was sure he would have been easily able to guess. "Well, close to work."

"Well," Qrow replied. "If you ever want someone to come up to your airship to make it a little less lonely." He couldn't help but shrug. "I can always fly."

He watched James' expression for something that would clue him in as to how James was feeling about these things. "Well," James swallowed hard. Visibly, even. "I'm not much of a host..."

Yet another excuse.

"Well," Qrow responded. "I don't need much for hosting, you know me." He smiled. At least it seemed like James was beginning to loosen up a little bit, even if it wasn't that much in the end. Every little bit counted, after all. After all, he knew for a fact that there was going to be a point where he couldn't get James to open up for him anymore.

"Yeah," James said, his voice impossibly soft. "Well, I'm trying not to drink as much, so I'm afraid you wouldn't have much to find in coming to visit me often."

"Who says I..." Qrow paused. "Who says I only want to come out to drink with you?" He leaned back in his seat. "I just want to be able to spend time with an old friend again." His eyes narrowed slightly, and he watched as James took a sip of water and rearranged how he was sitting, even resting one of his hands on the table in front of him as he began to relax just a little bit more. "I don't care what we do, I just want to have you willing to have me around again."

James sighed heavily and shook his head, in a way that made his brow furrow in frustration, the same way that Qrow had seen it happen a thousand times before. "I am willing to have you around."

"You and I both know that I mean outside of work, Jim."

"I know."

"So why won't you allow us to spend time together outside of work?" He blinked. "Look, I get that things went poorly but..." A shrug. "I miss you. We used to work so well together, we used to be so close."

"Things change, Qrow."

"Yeah," Qrow replied. "So I don't see why they can't change again."

James swallowed hard and turned his head so that he was looking away from Qrow, almost like he was looking to another world somehow for something that couldn't be identified or found so easily. "Qrow, I don't know that it's a good idea that we let that change again."

"Well," Qrow stared down at his hands, callused as they were. Once upon a time, he and James would have held hands over this table and that would have been the most comfortable thing in the world. Of course, it would have been a lot different. They would have spoke to each other quietly, and between smiles and words, there would have even been space for kisses. "I figure it this way." He took a too deep breath. "I'm already terrible luck to everyone that I'm around." With a smile, Qrow stared up into James' dark blue eyes. "Might as well try, right?"

"It's doomed to fail."

"Yeah," Qrow shrugged. "Maybe it was the first time, but I don't think that..." He took a deep breath. "I don't think that you should be letting that stop you from even trying it in the first place." He closed his eyes. "I want to try this with you, James."

"It won't work out."

"You don't know that."

" _Qrow-_ "

"Jim." Qrow leaned in across the table towards James. "Just give me a chance to do this for real." He took a deep breath, knowing that he had to make things clear. "It can be on your terms entirely if you want it to be. The second you think it isn't working anymore, you can pull out."

James blinked hard, and stared down at the table in front of him like he thought that he was going to end up finding something there that would be of use. Qrow didn't say anything else at this point, just reached towards the centre of the table and offered his open hand for James to take if he wanted to.

He knew better than to try to push the guy at this point, especially when he was pretty sure that he was getting close to making actual progress.

"If I say yes-" James began, swallowing hard and staring down at Qrow's offered hand like he was going to be able to find something there of some use. "You have to let me hold you to that." His eyes narrowed just slightly. "I need to actually be able to go, and you need to promise me that…" A heavy sigh left James. "That the only way you and I will be in contact anymore will be through work."

That wasn't the sort of promise that Qrow wanted to make, because he did want to still be able to be friends with James at the end of the day, but he also understood why James was putting that on the table. "Yeah," Qrow finally said. "I promise."

It went silent, and he just watched James' expressions as he tried to read him and figure out what was going on in that head of his. There had to be something, some sort of feeling that James was afraid to show to him. He knew James, the guy was probably in pure emotional chaos and just too afraid to show it.

Tentatively, James reached out for him with his ungloved left hand before gently placing his hand in Qrow's. It was something that Qrow definitely hadn't been expecting, since he'd been sure that if he was going to get anything out of James it was probably only going to end up being a rather swift dismissal.

Not this, the feeling of his skin against James', or the calluses that covered James' palm despite the fact that the guy was working behind a desk most of the time, or how warm James' touch was. Even after so many years apart, touching like this felt almost right.

"Is that a yes?"

"It's a tentative yes." James mumbled, pulling his hand away after a moment and resting it down on the table in front of hi. "I'm holding you to your promises."

Qrow laughed quietly, since he figured that wasn't exactly something that he could really be too surprised by. "I figured you would." He smiled across the table at James. "So let's enjoy this dinner, shall we?"

"Yeah." James answered with a heavy sigh. "I guess we should."

It wasn't much, but it was enough. For Qrow, it was a chance at a future where he at the very least had his friend back and actually interested in being around each other. Dinner wouldn't fix things, neither would one or two times talking, but it was a start.

And James seemed open enough to it, so Qrow was willing to work with whatever James needed to make it work. He was pretty sure that James would be willing to work with whatever he needed too.

They could make it work, Qrow was sure of it.


End file.
